


Baby Got Back

by Hansotsi (Karmula)



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Ass Play, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Public Humiliation, Rimming, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-24
Packaged: 2020-12-09 15:41:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20997248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karmula/pseuds/Hansotsi
Summary: Pure crackfic featuring Hans and his bubble butt. That's all you need to know.





	Baby Got Back

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 2014, edited and reuploaded in 2019.

“Why – won’t – these – damn – pants – fit!” Hans exclaimed, each word punctuated with a grunt. He planted one foot against the frame of his bed, using the leverage to help pull his pants up, the waistband cutting into the soft, freckled flesh of his buttocks as he wrenched at the white fabric. His ass cheeks jiggled, round and pink, like matching jellies, taunting him.

_ We tooold you to stop eating, Hans! But nooo, you had to have more. More, more, more! _

"Shut _up__!_” Hans growled, his breathing heavy. A part of him was mortified at the fact that he was talking to his ass, but another, much larger part was too frustrated to care. He jumped up and down on the spot, legs firmly apart, knees bent in a squat between leaps. With a satisfying, sucking sort of _shluck_ noise, he tugged once more, and his pants finally complied, slipping over his prominent and full rear like an uncomfortably restrictive second skin.

“A-ha!” Hans huffed triumphantly, hands on his hips, turning around to examine himself in the mirror.

"Hans?” Anna called, her voice floating up to him from down the hallway, where she was in the throes of preparing herself for that night’s ball. “Are you nearly ready? We should get down there now, we’re going to be late!” Anna appeared in the doorway, busily fixing one of her golden earrings with gloved hands. “Are you ready?”

Hans hesitated, turning once more to his reflection before giving an affirmative nod of his head. “Let’s go.”

He hadn’t taken two steps before his ears were assaulted by the sounds of fabric tearing. A cold draught whipped across the now-exposed skin of his rear, and Hans yelped.

“I – I have to change!” he squeaked, backing away.

Frowning, Anna grabbed Hans by the elbow. “No, there isn’t time for that!”

“Anna, you don’t understand–”

“We’re going to be late!”

Frantically scouring the room for an escape, for an excuse, _anything_, Hans’s eyes alighted on his coronation jacket, the coat tails fluttering gently. _Perfect_.

Shrugging the jacket on, Hans nodded again. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Come on!” Anna giggled, eyes alive with excitement, and ran out the door, towing her husband behind her.

The ballroom was already packed when they arrived, masses of commoners and foreign dignitaries alike crowding together, sipping champagne and nibbling on hor d’oeuvres. Hundreds upon hundreds of candles illuminated the room with their warm, cheery glow, their light reflected off the inlaid gold rosemaling and designs that decorated the ceiling, walls and floor in the traditional Arendellian fashion.

Anna’s eyes were drawn immediately to the dessert table, pushed against the far wall. She flashed a devilish grin at Hans, dragging him along as she made towards buffet.

“Shouldn’t we be making small talk, Anna? We _are_ the King and Queen, after all.”

Hans trailed behind, one hand grasped in his wife’s, another self-consciously pressing the tails of his jacket against his rear. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself with his and Anna’s absence, but, then again, maybe it was better he stay at the edge of the celebrations. There was less chance of anyone spotting the tear in his pants that way. Less chance of being humiliated.

"Oh, no one will miss us. Oooh, look at this, it’s your _favourite_ – _kruuumkake!_” Anna held up the pastry, waving it in front of his nose enticingly. She took a bite, pink tongue darting out to swipe the resulting crumbs away from the corners of her mouth.

“Mmmm. It’s still warm. Oops!” The pastry fell to the floor. “Babe, would you pick that up for me?”

"Um, I–”

“Please?”

Hans swallowed, hard, Adam’s apple bobbing, and knelt down.

And felt his pants tear open wider.

Face red, Hans staggered quickly to his feet, krumkake in hand, swaying precariously before he regained the balance he had lost in his haste. Anna had a smug smile plastered over her mouth, one eyebrow arched, and it was then that Hans realised; _she knew_. She had rushed them down here so quickly _on purpose_. She had _meant_ for him to have no time to change.

Still smiling, she pinched the material of her right glove at the fingers, slipping it off and placing it on the table. Anna plucked the dessert from his hand, setting it back on the table beside her glove and sliding her bare hand around his torso and down his back to pinch at the naked skin of his bum.

“Anna!” Hans gasped, jerking away.

But she had him firmly in her grasp. Grinning, she trailed a single, warm digit in the cleft between his cheeks, rubbing slow, teasing circles around his anus before slipping the tip of a finger inside. At Hans’ sharp inhale, Anna withdrew her finger and slap him hard across the rear.

His cheeks jiggled, and his pants burst open with a loud ripping noise, his bottom bouncing out of its prison excitedly. Hans squealed, a deep, almost _violet_ flush colouring his cheeks and spreading down his neck. His embarrassment was more than evident, it was tangible. He spun and ran out of the room, hands clasped over his ass.

Several people were turning to look, seeking out the source of the commotion. There were hushed whispers:

“It’s the Queen–”

“The King did _what_–”

“_Surely_ they’re not–”

Clearing her throat, Anna smiled at the crowd, curtsying gracefully.

“Please, excuse that,” she began, her voice uncharacteristically smooth, formal. “The King is feeling unwell – I am afraid he will be unable to stay for the duration of the celebrations tonight, and that I must retire too, to care for him.”

There were appreciative murmurs amongst the crowd, a few disappointed sighs – the Queen’s husband was certainly a point of conversation and even fantasy for many of the kingdom’s young women – and Anna apologised for the unfortunate turn of events. She raised her hand in a small wave.

“Goodnight,” she called, backing out of the ballroom.

In the hall, the sounds of the party were muffled. Shadows clustered in the corners, and candles flickered gloomily in their solitary brackets. Anna strode down the hall, her heels clicking on the polished marble.

"Hans?” Her voice echoed back to her. There was no response. “Hans, baby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean–” she broke off, her ears registering a second voice. Gentle, muffled sobs, close by. They almost sounded like they were coming from _behind_ her…

Anna spun around. Beside a sombre-looking bronze bust of a previous king – she couldn’t recall his name; history had never been a strong point for her – she could make out thick, dust-coated curtains. In one place, the dust looked like it had been displaced, in the shape of a rather large hand.

Fisting the material in her hands, she drew the curtains open. Hunched on the floor sat her husband. His head jerked up at the interruption, and it became clear he had been crying.

“Oh, Hans…”

“Leave me alone,” he sniffled. Ignoring him, Anna squatted down, placing a hand on his knee and rubbing. It seemed to soothe him.

“Was your pride really hurt that much?”

“_Yes_,” Hans retorted indignantly, running a hand through his auburn waves. “That was _mortifying_.”

“Oh, baby,” Anna cooed, caressing his cheek. “I know what will make you feel better.”

“You – you do?”

“Roll over,” Anna instructed, already tugging at Hans’s ruined pants. Hans complied, settling onto his stomach with a huff.

_ Smack _.

“Hey!” Hans cried, flinching. “I thought you said you were going to make me feel better!”

“I am, baby,” Anna assured, “but first, let me do this – _then_ you’ll get your reward.”

"O-okay,” Hans stammered, bracing himself for the next impact. And it came, followed by a third, and a fourth. At each he heard Anna sigh in delight as she watched his flesh jiggle and bounce at the connection, wobbling until she steadied it with a gentler hand. She landed a fifth, harder spank, before leaning over him to brush her lips against his irritated skin, humming against the red welts that were already beginning to rise, like bread from the oven.

“I’m sorry,” she told him between kisses, slowly making her way to the place where his cheeks met. From the top of his crack she licked a long, slow line, lapping at his skin, stopping short just before the nub of his anus.

Hans inhaled sharply, feeling the wet, warm muscle of her tongue dip shallowly into him, and silently thanked himself for having such an occupation with cleanliness and hygiene – if he hadn’t, this would have only served to make him more embarrassed.

Anna swirled her tongue about his rim before pushing deeper, her hands grasping his speckled buttocks for support. Hans moaned, his voice high and keening. He felt himself growing rock hard and longed for release, but couldn’t muster the willpower to shy away from Anna’s tongue. Where did she learn to use it like that?

“Anna,” he moaned, rolling his hips and arching himself off the floor, pressing his ass more firmly into Anna’s face as she ate him. She was so hot and moist against him as she nuzzled, and he was so _sensitive_–

He reached his climax without her once touching his member, although at the last moment she reached her hand between his legs to milk him. He emptied his load with a sigh into her cupped palm, and she brought it to his succulent cheeks, drizzling it over his skin, which was flowering different shades of purple and blue. She lapped at his thick, almost waxy seed, pleasuring him at a much more relaxed, gentle pace, occasionally nipping at the dome of his buttock.

Before long she had licked him dry, and she rolled onto the floor beside him, breathing heavily.

“I _told_ you I’d make you feel better. I did, didn’t I?”

Hans hummed happily, almost purring with delight and satisfaction, nodding. Anna laughed, stroking her fingers through his fringe.

"Thank you, Anna,” Hans whispered sleepily. In the dark, Anna smiled back, her mouth still filled with the taste of him.

“You’re welcome, baby.”


End file.
